Dates in Dissidia
by Finished and Gone
Summary: You have been invited to Chaos and Cosmos' show to vote for which pairing you would like to see have a date! If the date is successful, Cosmos gets a point and visa versa...What are you waiting for? Get voting!
1. Intro

"Did this fanfic start yet? Did it?" a blonde woman fiddled with the microphone before turning her attention to you...Yes you!

She giggled nervously before waving at you, and led you to a seat among other fanfic lovers.

"I hope you will enjoy the show. I am sure you know already but my name is Cosmos, goddess of Harmony."

"And I am Chaos, god of Discord!" a booming voice echoed in the theatre as a large, red figure stepped up to the stage, holding a microphone and screamed at Cosmos to come and help him finish the presentation.

Cosmos sighed forlornly and apologised to you before scurrying to the large wooden deck on the stage.

"Welcome everyone to the show: Dates in Dissidia! In this show, you get to vote on two warriors to go on a date. If their date happens to be successful, then it is one point for the Harmony team."

At this point, Chaos kicked Cosmos' neat backside until she tumbled to the background. He grinned at the audience maliciously.

"And, if the date goes wrong, the Discord team wins a point, hee-hee!" he cackled. A flash of light surrounded the theatre. Chaos knelt to the floor and screamed how his eyes were blinded. Cosmos stepped back to the front, a divine glow escaping her body.

"This is how you get to vote. There are two slots...Slot One and Slot Two..."

A screen lit up in the dark background on the stage, displaying two blue rectangles.

"With your review devices, given beside you're seats, you may choose a warrior of your choice for each slot. For the next show, a random pairing from one of your suggestions will be picked. That pairing cannot date more than once."

"Stop taking all the glory here!" Chaos yelled, throwing a ball of flame in Cosmos' direction who ducked immediately. Emperor Mateus (Who was sitting behind you) was unfortunate enough to get his head set alight.

He jumped out of his seat, eyes bulging in shock and ran around in circles. Terra summoned a wave of water onto the blonde. Emperor rubbed his now bald head. He gasped and began to bawl.

"My hair! Oh my precious hair! What have you done!" he snarled.

"Silence fool!" Chaos bellowed. He ordered Garland to escort the Emperor out of the theatre. Terra took up the seat behind you and tipped your shoulder to get your attention.

"I apologise for all the disturbances you have to deal with and I regret to tell you that it's only the beginning," she whispered, smiling sympathetically.

"Why can you not be calm for once, Chaos? We still haven't introduced the new characters of Dissidia," Cosmos replied with a saddened expression.

"I'm the god of Discord for crying out loud! 'Being calm' doesn't exist in the 'Dummies guide to being a god of Discord'!" Chaos yelled, jogging in one spot to let out some steam. Cosmos turned to your direction and shook her head apologetically.

"Let us introduce the new characters entering Dissidia. More characters might be announced in the future. New characters introduce yourself."

A pair of spotlights illuminated the corner of the theatre. Red curtains were pulled apart to reveal five people.

"Greetings, I am the High Summoner Yuna. It is a pleasure to meet you," the first one smiled. Her smile quickly vanished and she dropped down to her knees and joined her hands. "Please do not pick me in any of the slots, especially not with a girl!"

"Shut the hell up! This is a great idea to determine a winning team!" Chaos shouted, throwing a fresh ball of fire at the summoner. Yuna's skirt caught on fire. She ran around in circles, screaming for help.

Once again, a swirling wave of water extinguished the fire and Garland had to escort her out to the Emergency Department for minor burns.

"Y-yo people! As you all know me from one the best games in final fantasy history, I'm Laguna. I take life easy so I don't really care if I get picked," Laguna winked at you. He rubbed the back of his hair. "Unless I'm paired with Squall. It's not nice to pair a dad with his son and-"

"Stop jabbering so much! Next!" Chaos demanded.

"The name's Lightning...For now, and if you dare pick me, I'll slice the shit out of you!" the strawberry-blonde muttered through gritted teeth. Her body suddenly vanished from the theatre and Cosmos' face reddened with anger and embarrassment.

"So sorry you had to hear that..." she murmured, "Next please?"

"I am Cain Highwind and I wouldn't care if I get picked. If I get picked with a person I don't like, then it'll get so cold, hell will freeze over," Cain said, spinning his lance between his fingers before holding it behind his back.

"I like the sound of that! I'd date you anytime but my name and stupid Cosmos' name are forbidden in the slots," Chaos grinned. Cain's lips drooped into an annoyed scowl.

"That was like, totally eew..." Cecil whispered to you.

"Next!" Chaos shrieked.

"Hi, I'm Tifa...Why am I here again?" the brunette wondered. Cosmos asked Tidus to take Tifa to the local Hypnotist.

"I forgot to mention that Tifa has some memory problems at the moment..." Cosmos stated, her face changing into a more scarlet tone.

"And I'm Vaan-" a boy said running through the theatre doors but before he could reach the stage, Chaos threw a ball of fire at him, setting Vaan on fire until he turned to ashes.

"Don't worry about him. Cosmos revives those that die or vanish," Bartz whispered at your left

"And that's all there is to it! Get voting already, you nerds! In case you weren't paying attention to Cosmos in the start- which is a good thing by the way, if you did pay attention to her then I'll force my way out of your loo tonight and throw my infamous fireball into your hair- I'll explain how to vote again!

Okay nerds, you have two slots: Slot One and Slot Two. Pick a warrior for each slot! An example would be...

Slot One: Chaos.

Slot Two: Cosmos.

Remember, we're forbidden from dating any of the warriors! Anyone dumb enough to write our names down will get a visit from me in their bathroom toilet!

A reviewer's choice will be picked randomly in the next show and we'll all watch how that date goes by. If the date is successful, then one point for stupid Cosmos and if the date is disastrous, that's a point for me! Make sure you pick a couple that will fight so that I may obtain a point. If you don't then I'll pay a visit tonight in your bathroom toilet from your bathroom loo and-"

Chaos was suddenly punched off the stage by Cosmos. A visible vein throbbed on the goddess' temples.

"Now my friends, you know the rules. Grab your reviewing devices and get voting! See you all in the next show. Tah-Tah!"

The curtains fell across the stage as everyone took their leave. Cecil and Bartz walked out with you.

"So who will you vote for?" Bartz asked turning to your direction.


	2. Puppet shows and favourite coats

The Warrior of Light walked with you back to the theatre the next day, discussing about the possible figures that were forced to date.

"It is certainly not me as I've not had a visit from Chaos in my toilet last night. Yes, as queer as it sounds, the two victims are told by Chaos from their toilet loo," he said, shaking his head. He allows you to take a seat before sitting beside you.

After the rolling of drums, the curtains were peeled away. Chaos and Cosmos were seen having a tug of war with the microphone.

"You bitch! Give it to me, for I am the god of Discord!" Chaos yelled. Cosmos gritted her teeth and shoved a knee in his private. Grunting in pain, Chaos knelt to the floor as Cosmos snatched the microphone to herself.

"Greetings everyone! Sorry about the little commotion you had to watch earlier. I wish to thanks those who have voted and one option has been randomly chosen. Unfortunately all other options have been erased, so to those who wish to apply for a couple not chosen in this show will have to vote again afterwards."

"Give me that!" Chaos muttered, lifting Cosmos into the air and throwing her out of the theatre. A loud bang was heard from outside.

The Warrior of Light shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"I'll be back," he whispered to you as you move out of your seat to allow him to leave. He ran to where the racket was heard.

"The vote picked today was Sephiroth for Slot One and Terra for Slot Two! Enjoy and keep your fingers crossed that I'll win!" Chaos grinned. He stepped aside to allow the audience to watch the imminent date now on screen.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Sephiroth squinted into a map. He turned it around to hopefully, get a better view of it.

"I thought men were supposed to be good with these things!"

He paused and stared straight at the invisible camera he was unaware of.

"Unless I'm not a man...But I'm not a girl...Not yet a woman...Or..."

He slapped his forehead and mumbled to himself. With wide eyes he glanced at the invisible camera, resembling a confused, psychotic murderer that he really was.

"I have to date you?" a quiet voice mumbled behind him. Sephiroth yelped in fright and spun to face Terra dressed in her new outfit.

"The question should be:_ I_ have to date_ you_? Is this some sort of sick joke?" Sephiroth spat. Terra placed her hands on her hips and scowled.

"Is there something wrong with dating me?" she asked angrily.

"There is everything wrong with you. I date no one but somebody just happened to choose you and I. Why couldn't I have been with that new girl Lightning?" the one winged angel huffed. Terra snatched the map from his hands and folded it into a cylinder before smacking it across the tall man's head.

"And that is coming from a guy who was reading his map up-side-down!"

"Grrr...I have no choice but to deal with this. Anyway, I bought two tickets to my favourite puppet show but I don't know whereabouts it is," the silver-haired man murmured, rubbing the sore area on the back of his head. Terra sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose before pointing a small cottage with the words 'Sephiroth's favourite puppet show' across the roof top.

Sephiroth's eyes grew larger on his face.

"I was training very hard yesterday. That is why my senses are a bit...Dimmed this morning," he cleared his throat. Terra nodded politely and made her way inside. Sephiroth tipped his fingers together.

_She's close to Cloud. This is a perfect opportunity for me to learn his weaknesses and strengths. Maybe if I act pleasant around her, she'll be stupid enough to give away everything about Cosmos and her chosen warriors. Maybe I could even get her to join Chaos again,_ he thought to himself

Satisfied with himself he walked into the little cottage and took a seat beside her, smiling with malice.

"Terra, I apologise about earlier."

Terra glanced at Sephiroth, her eyebrows scrunched in confusion. When was Sephiroth ever genuinely sorry?

"It happens. I apologise too for my rather rude behaviour," she replied with a small smile, "So what is your favourite show?"

"It's about how I take over the universe," Sephiroth said, "Now hush! It's starting!"

_This man's ego is bigger than he is_, Terra thought. She turned back to the screen in shock.

A chibi Sephiroth was fighting with all the warriors of Cosmos. The chibi Sephiroth clearly had more brain and brawn then the other puppets. With its long sword, it shredded the others to foam and tomato ketchup.

"C-can't go on like this..."the Firion chibi whimpered, holding his exacerbated arm in his other remaining hand. The merciless chibi Sephiroth decapitated it and laughed with ruthless joy.

"Sephiroth...I'm finding this quite disturbing..."Terra whispered, an uncomfortable knot formed in her stomach and her face was blue with nausea.

"No, look! This is the best part!" Sephiroth jumped in his seat excitedly as the chibi Sephiroth on the screen fought with the remaining warrior of Cosmos, Cloud Strife. It impaled it's sword through Cloud's chest, snickering wickedly.

"Tell me what you cherish most? Give me the pleasure of taking it away," the chibi Sephiroth said in a chip-munk voice.

"Sephiroth! Have mercy!" the Cloud chibi pleaded before it was thrown off a high precipice.

"Nooooo!" It cried as it crash landed in the mess of tomato ketchup below. The Sephiroth chibi raised its arms out to the heavens, screaming in victory.

"At last Mother! This world is ours to rule! The Chosen One has done it! We have won!" it squealed and jumped in joy.

"This is just wrong," Terra stated suddenly, standing up and walking out of the theatre.

"But-you didn't watch the ending yet!" Sephiroth followed her outside.

"Cloud doesn't beg for mercy! That is just OOC!" Terra huffed with ire. She decided to avoid the silver-haired maniac once and for all.

"He's just a puppet! Puppets need a master to control them. That's why they always beg." Sephiroth was disappointed that the half-Esper girl didn't enjoy his favourite puppet show. What was it lacking? It had drama, an awesome Sephiroth chibi and a beautiful massacre of everyone he hates!

_At least I still have my fan-girls!_

"You make no sense! You're better off in the Yaoi category, you worthless moron!" Terra screamed. It was useless to deal with Sephiroth in a polite manner anymore. She tried to walk away only to have him grab her hand.

He pulled her over a little too close. She fell over on top of him and gasped.

"Uh...Do you want anything to eat?" Sephiroth asked, pushing the girl away from him. He touched his drumming heart. How long it was since he last had a woman this close to him?

Wait...When did he have a woman this close to him apart from Jenova's head?

"Umh..."

"Get your free cot and candy!" A familiar voice called. They turned face Cecil dressed in Kefka's outfit, making cot and candy.

"Cecil? What are you doing...In Kefka's attire?" Terra said incredulously.

"Umh...I was voted to date Gabranth and I was definite that I'd be chosen. We made a bet that if we weren't picked then I'd have to steal Kefka's clothes and wear them," he grimaced with disgust, "That clown has magicite stuck in his underpants."

"But if you're wearing Kefka's clothes...Then what is he wearing?" Sephiroth enquired. He stood still in his spot as a disturbing image raced through his mind before dissipating. Cecil giggled nervously.

"Trust me Sephiroth; you will not dare to know. Anyway, why don't you buy some cot-and-candy for Terra? Oh, you have to pay for it."

"How much?"

"Two thousand gil."

Sephiroth gasped removing his wallet and searching through it. He didn't even have ten gil in there. Since when was the Lunarian so greedy? These warriors of Cosmos were difficult to understand.

Cecil snatched the wallet and rummaged through it.

"Why don't you give you're leather coat? It'll be enough. I'm sure your crazy fan-girls will pay loads for it on E-bay" the Lunarian suggested.

Sephiroth wasn't obliged to give his favourite coat to Cecil but he wanted to steer Terra over to the Chaos side. Sighing he removed his coat and handed it to the grinning Lunarian.

"Here you go, Terra!"

"Thanks Cecil..."

When Cecil left, Terra turned to Sephiroth apologetically. Sephiroth wasn't in the mood to talk when realisation hit him that Cecil will make a lot of money from selling his garment.

"Tell me about yourself Sephiroth."

"Huh? Like what?" he sneered. Suddenly, having Terra around was annoying like a viral infection. He had to give his coat away so she could get cot and candy?

"Like, you know...Your dreams, your future plans and...Your ideal girl," she said shyly. It wasn't everyday that a man bought her cot and candy by selling his favourite coat. She settled onto a bench and patted on the space beside her.

"My goal is...To sail on this planet as my vessel in the depths of the cosmos and find a new planet. Upon its soil, I will be the ruler and Mother will be beside me!" Sephiroth threw his arms up towards the heavens. Terra raised a brow.

"As for women, I don't like any."

"What? You mean-your...G-..."

"No! I am genderless! I like no one but myself, you fool!"

"Excuse me? I am not Aerith Gainsborough that you have to call me a fool! She was the fool to be impaled by your blade!"

"Aerith Gainsborough? Now that you mention it, she'll be the only woman I'd ever date properly and then I'll kill her again when it'll be all over."

"Why do you like killing so much? Did you ever go to a psychiatrist? You need one!"

"The only thing I need is Mother's Reunion."

"Mother this! Mother that! That's IT!" Terra threw her cot and candy at him, "I'm tired of having to put up with it all, you Momma's Boy!"

"And I'm sorry but...But you're just a gay man who is in serious need of professional help!" she cried before running away, and not bothering to wipe her tears. Never had she ever had a date that went this wrong. Not even with Cloud.

Sephiroth snipped some of the pink fluff off of his stomach and licked his finger.

"Mmmm...Not bad Harvey, this is good..."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Gabranth took the space beside you and discussed the outcomes of the date with you.

"That didn't go too well, I am afraid. The only good it did provide was that our Discord team will get a point. Cosmos is losing already."

"Hooray! You who voted for Sephiroth and Terra, I salute you!" Chaos cried in joy, clapping his hands hysterically. Some of Cosmos' warriors moaned with frustration.

Bartz and Zidane stood up from their seat and tossed a few paper planes at Chaos. He spat balls of fire in their direction. Zidane's tail was set alight and Bartz's cape was caught on fire. They screamed and ran around in circles. Unfortunately, Terra wasn't there to help this time.

The duo burned to ashes.

"I'll have to take them out from the Underworld again," Gabranth sighed, irritated. You assure him not to stress out about them.

"Now, I shall say a few statistics about the voters...Congratulations to **narutofan1091** for his choice of couple and no apologies to those whose pair weren't picked!

Now isn't the end obviously. As long as you keep voting, this show will keep running. As far as I know, we Dissidia characters too have to return to work and college so the show will most likely run on a weekly basis.

Let me also add that Lightning has been in more slots then any of the other characters so as a treat to all you Lightning fans..."

Chaos stepped aside to reveal Lightning tied in a strait jacket and confined inside a large bird cage. She struggled helplessly and spat at the large demon.

"You'll never get away with this," she warned.

"Anyone who likes Lightning HAS to choose her for one of their slots! That is the rule for the next date! Anyone who hates Lightning HAS to choose a Yaoi or Yuri couple for their date! Got that? Start your voting machines again, you nerds!" Chaos shrieked happily.

Just then, Gabranth stood up and unfolded a parchment of paper.

"My Lord, before we leave this place, I have to place you under arrest for attempting manslaughter on the goddess of Harmony, Cosmos. As a Judge of Ivalice and Dissidia, I ban you from hosting the next show and I, Gabranth, shall host it instead," he read out. Chaos was slightly taken aback

"What! You can't do that to me! You're supposed to be my dog!"

"I am sorry my Lord, but these are the rules in **Realms of Destiny's** book," Gabranth nodded. His face reddened with shame to have to arrest his master.

"Realms of Destiny? Who in hell's name is that?"

"She boasts about the power of the pen. I cannot go against her."

"Nooo! You cannot listen to a worthless girl over your all-powerful master! That is mutiny, Gabranth!"

"Let's get going," A naked Kefka cackled at you. He grabbed your arm and dragged you out of the theatre, almost dancing. The other fanfic lovers gasped.

"Why are you all staring at me as if it's disgusting? It's not my fault! Cecil took my clothes! So...Who will you vote for in the next show?" Kefka sang and pirouetted.


	3. Reunion

Walking with Sephiroth, you discuss the possible outcome for today's date. "Obviously," you tell him, "Lightning is bound to be one of them. I don't think there were many Yuri or yaoi requests. She's a popular character."

"So?" Sephiroth suggests, "I'm grateful that I'm not picked this time but a certain puppet of mine, I heard, received the most votes." His lips curve into a sickening grin. You flinch slightly. Sure, the guy had inconceivable beauty but he had the most menacing grins in all of badass villains' history.

Deciding to avoid feeling inferior, you follow Bartz into the theatre instead. He greets you with an amusing hug, tumbling over from his clumsiness. Kefka, now dressed again in his famous harlequin outfit, smacks the brunette's backside as he was getting off the floor.

"Hey! Who did that?" Bartz scowls and glances around him. You're fondness level for Kefka was way too low to let him off. You'll never forgive him for dragging you out last time while he danced around naked. You point in Kefka's direction and encourage Bartz to get him.

"The Wandering Wind isn't vengeful but that was a total Michael Jackson move!" Bartz yelled, running off towards Kefka. Squall sits beside you, glaring all the while.

"You shouldn't have done that. I don't trust Bartz to win a fight," he grunted.

"Kefka is beatable. Just have faith in Bartz," you reply. Squall gives a frustrated sigh and rolls his sapphire eyes.

"Whatever," he mutters. Before you could protest, Gabranth calls for everyone's attention. He sits on a chair and takes a long list out.

"Firstly, many thanks to those of you who have voted, **Realms of Destiny's** voting machine was packed with one pairing that was salient over the others. It is the Cloud and Lightning pairing. And therefore, no random selection was decided for this episode of Dates in Dissidia.

Everyone, you will watch the two...Introverts try and date today."

The Cosmos warriors cheered loudly while the Chaos warriors booed.

"I do pray that the inconspicuous Cloud will not have a satisfying ending. The team of Discord must obtain another point. This date might inspire me for a new opera song," Kuja said, disgust spread across his face. A large chocobo sits on top of him. Golbez, unaware of the lean arms thrashing wildly underneath the chocobo, snores with his head tilting to one side.

"Golbez! You large, conniving beast! Take this brainless bird off of me!" the muffled Kuja pleaded. A throaty snore was his reply.

You watch Squall's palm slap over his forehead.

"Those two are unbelievable..." he whispers, glancing in the corner where a black-eyed Bartz sniggers with Zidane.

Gabranth, pretending he was blind to the sight of a chocobo in the theatre, stepped aside to allow the audience to see the next date on the screen.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Lightning glanced at her watch outside Summons museum. She sighed angrily. Whoever she was supposed to date isn't a lucky man...Or woman, if such outcome was possible. She was expecting Chaos to come and tell her where the date was held from her toilet loo but Gabranth passed on the news instead...Ringing the doorbell of course.

She squinted in the distance and noticed someone with spiky hair walk slowly over. Gritting her teeth in anger, she folded her arms across her chest as a man about the same height as her approached.

"Sorry I'm late," he said casually. Lightning narrowed her eyes.

"What kind of soldier are you?"

"Soldier?" he asked, giving her a blank stare. Lightning shook her head in denial. _This is going to a long day_, she thought.

"Soldier is a human who gives up their entire life to protect the people of their country. Arriving late on any occasions is showing possible signs of weakness._ You_ arrive late all the time, Tifa told me!" Lightning snarled. It was pathetic how this man before her used to be a soldier.

"I was a soldier...In my head," Cloud replied calmly with the same bland stare. Without saying another word, he walked inside the museum. Lightning flared her nostrils before following him. They walked side by side, awkwardly and examined the statues of the many summons.

Lightning stopped before a statue of Odin on his horse.

"He's your favourite?" Cloud asked suddenly, making her jump at the sound of his hoarse voice. She nodded. Cloud shifted uncomfortably.

"I could see why, he looks just like you."

Lightning flashed him a dangerous look. Cloud lifted his eyebrows, realising the wrong move he just made.

"I mean- that's not what I meant! I mean- you know Odin is strong and all...And..."

"Soldier Strife?"

"Huh?"

"Shut up!"

"..."

They moved on to the next statue which was of Belias the Gigas.

"He's an interesting one. I like the way he has four arms," Lightning said. Cloud remained quiet beside her. Sighing in irritation, Lightning walked to the next statue which was of Sephiroth.

"Why do they have a statue of him in here?" She murmured. Even Cloud's face expressed some shock. Maybe it was just his imagination, but Cloud could have sworn that the Sephiroth statue smirked surreptitiously at him.

"Let's go examine at that Shiva statue over there" he said quickly, pointing at Shiva from final fantasy VIII. Lightning grimaced.

"Obnoxious pervert."

"...I'm not a pervert!"

"Then why do you wish to 'examine' her?"

"But-I'm not a pervert!"

"Soldier Strife, I respected a man of your moral but I'm beginning to have doubts over your sanity. I'm gonna head off, don't need to waste time with a loser such as you!" Lightning spat. Cloud's face scrunched in anger. He was offended to be called a pervert.

So what's this? The cheerful girls liked to dress him up as a woman and the anti-social ones liked to accuse him of being a pervert.

Lightning pushed him out of the way. She wasn't going to waste her time dating a moron when she could train in her house.

"Mwahahahaha!" a voice echoed throughout the museum. Lightning stopped dead in her tracks. She turned back to Cloud with a questioning glare.

"Is this your way of saying a sick joke?" she retorted.

"I don't joke...In serious situations."

Walking towards him, Cloud thought she was going to embrace him but suddenly something hard smacked across his jaw and he fell to the floor. Lightning lowered her fist.

"One thing we should get straight, _Cloud_. I hate liars and perverts" she threatened, eyes flashing with disdain.

"Mwahahahhaa!" the laughter rang again. Lightning paused while Cloud squirmed to get up. He wasn't the one laughing all along. Both of them looked around to face Garland, swaying his weapon like a Kung-fu stick. He waved at them, his smile hidden behind his helmet.

"What do you want?"

"Want? Why, I wanted to laugh! Mwhahahaha!" he cackled. Cloud stood up, rubbing his sore jaw in agony.

"Then don't waste our time," Lightning replied. She glanced at Cloud and suddenly felt guilty for punching him. Garland walked across to them.

"Actually, there is something that I want...You!" With that he pulled at his long cloak and bandaged it around Lightning's wrists. Cloud instantly pulled out his sword.

"Let her go," he warned.

"Make me! In this ongoing never ending cycle of conflict, I'm tired of repeating everything over and over again! I need a bride!"

"Get Chaos to be your bride, jerk!" Lightning yelled. She attempted to kick him but missed as Garland twirled out of the way. Cloud tried to impale the burly warrior with his sword but an anti-physical barrier protected Garland.

"Sephiroth sent me here to challenge you Cloud."

"Then bring it," the blonde spat.

"It's a challenge over your date."

"I'm not his date anymore!" Lightning cut in.

"You and I must race each other to the place called the "Journey to the Centre of the Earth". If I win, Lightning gets to be my bride. If I lose, then you get to have her back and I'll pay for a gondola in the Golden Saucer," Garland grinned with phlegm in his voice. Cloud hesitated. He watched Lightning but she glared at him and Garland constantly.

"Fine, I'll do it," he said lowering his sword. Garland raised his arm into the air.

"On the count of three, we start our race!"

After Garland shouted 'Go', the two men ran out of the museum. Sighing in frustration, Lightning folded her arms and sat on a nearby seat. She surveyed the area but her eyes fell upon the vacant space where the Sephiroth statue used to be.

"What?"

Just then she heard footsteps scuttling back into the museum. Quirking a brow, she watched Garland roll across the floor, clutching his stomach and laughing in the wicked way possible.

"Did you win the race?" she asked, a clear vein throbbed on her temple. This was annoying. Was Cloud this bad at saving his heroines? Now she has to be stupid Garland's wife!

Lost in laughter, Garland banged his fist on the concrete ground.

"Sephiroth was right! That boy is a puppet indeed!"

"You cheated him?" Lightning huffed in disbelief. Garland nodded, standing up but still holding onto his stomach.

"Ho...Ho, can't breathe..." he wheezed. Lightning's fist slammed across his helmet, causing a dent to appear on the metal. Garland grinned underneath his helmet and watched the young woman moan in pain, shaking her fist.

The camera suddenly panned to Cloud who ran endlessly from world to world. Lightning's dignity was at stake. He had to win to keep her on Cosmos' side. He was waved at by Laguna three times as far as he can remember.

He glanced around at where he was now.

"Oh, there's the museum again..." he murmured and continued running until he crossed another few worlds.

"Hey there Spikes!" Laguna waved again. Cloud stopped and placed his hands on his knees, inhaling deeply.

"Laguna, can you stop following me all the time?"

"I wasn't following. You passed this place four times."

"What?"

"Oh dear, you're confused, Spikes?"

"..."

"Don't have that bizarre look on your cute little face. Tell me, where do you want to go?"

"..."

"It's okay, you can talk it out," Laguna winked. Cloud hesitated and wiped his sweaty, damp face.

"The place called 'Journey to the Centre of the Earth'"

"Where's that?" Squall's father blurted. Cloud blinked until realisation hit that such a place never existed at all. He smacked a palm over his face.

"I've been cheated..." he muttered, heated anger building inside him.

"Eh? Who cheated you?"

"I'm leaving!" Cloud yelled, pushing Laguna away and making his way to the Summons Museum. He was surprised to see Laguna follow him.

"Hey, I could always help out if you want any help," he said, giving Cloud a friendly smile. Cloud thought about the time he had a conversation with Squall.

"_You're lucky that your father's still here. Sometimes, memories are too hard to just think of. You want to flesh them out..." he said to Squall. Squall gave him a bland stare._

"_Whatever..." the brunette said in irritation._

"_..."_

"_As if I care, Cloud. If my Dad ever offers me any help, heck, I'd be damn careful about it."_

"If you offer me any help, heck, I'd be damn careful about it," Cloud suddenly exclaimed. Laguna chuckled and tousled the blonde's hair.

"Squall's friends are too cute! Now who cheated you?"

"...Garland."

"I'm guessing it's over your date?"

"..."

"Alright, here's the plan..."

The camera zoomed back to Lightning, standing over an unconscious Garland. She kicked his limp body to the side and rubbed some dirt off her clothes.

"You Chaos warriors shouldn't underestimate, women, no good sexists. All they've got is a whore with no clothes and bitch with hirsute feet..."

CRASH! A pile of debris and dust flew into her. She raised her arms to shield her face and coughed hearing a man scream about Operation Laguna.

The supposed man was now hanging onto a rope and flung inside the hallway, shooting in circles and screaming like a wild lunatic all the while.

"Laguna! Stop!" Cloud yelled, following after the hyper man and flashing Lightning a sympathetic look. Laguna jumped to floor, thumping his fists across his chest.

"Who wants a piece 'o me!" he bellowed. Cloud hit him across the head with the handle of his sword.

"Who..." Laguna eyes shifted to the centre of his face. He swayed around before spinning on one foot and falling to the ground. Many wrappers of chocolate brands slipped from his coat and trouser pockets. The standing duo was engulfed by an awkward silence.

"Squall will never forgive you," Lightning stated, forcing herself to hide the smirk on her face.

"_Whatever_," Cloud replied in a mocking tone. Lightning let out a small chuckle. She pulled out two pieces of paper in her hand.

"I stole these from Garland. They're the tickets to the gondola...I thought it's the least I could do for acting like such a jerk before."

Cloud blinked in surprise. He slowly nodded before following her out. They remained quiet throughout most of the journey until they got into a gondola in the Golden Saucer.

Cloud sat opposite Lightning and stared through the window.

"Cloud?"

"Huh?"

"You're brooding," Lightning replied and crossed her arms. Cloud sighed.

"It's just...I've been thinking...Ever since you joined us..."

"You've been thinking about me?" The strawberry-blonde woman felt genuinely surprised. A silence engulfed them before Cloud finally spoke out.

"Why do you look like me?" he blurted. Lightning raised a brow. Cloud took her actions as encouragement.

"I mean, it's not right. It's...Creepy in a weird way. You're like...A feminine version of me! And we're not even related!"

"And your point is? Is there something wrong with me looking similar to me?" Lightning gritted her teeth. Cloud nodded, staring at the floor.

"Yeah..."

The camera zoomed down to Sephiroth who smirked as he watched the gondola that contained his rival tremble vehemently. A woman screamed in anger from within. The window of the gondola was smashed and a spiky-haired figure was thrown to the ground.

Laughing maliciously, Sephiroth walked to the fallen figure, who rubbed his head in agony.

"What do you want?" Cloud sneered.

"To congratulate you on dating your daughter."

"...That's not funny."

"I'm serious..."

Cloud glanced into the green hellfire of his enemy's cat-like eyes. He didn't see any lies hidden in those depths. Apparently, Lightning, who had jumped down to them, heard him too.

"What are you saying!" she exclaimed, raising a fist. Sephiroth revealed his infamous grin.

"While you two were bustling about the museum, I told Garland to distract you as I tried to find any specks of fallen hair. With that evidence, I took them to Professor Hojo for a DNA test and the test was positive. Lightning is your daughter from the future."

No one spoke. A silent gust of wind blew through the cold air.

"I...Dated my dad? Eew! That is so wrong!" Lightning gasped. Cloud looked equally shocked.

"But...Who's the mother?" Cloud gulped nervously. He always wanted to know who he would end up with...Tifa or Aerith... The ongoing love triangle debate that infected the fandom of Final Fantasy seven.

"Genetically speaking, _Cloud_, you will marry a blonde to get a baby with almost blonde hair and you're blue eyes. So then, _Cloud_, you will cheat on your two lovey-dovey heroines altogether! Isn't that just amusing, _Cloud_? I heard you're future wife is a Queen who wears a short pink skirt and-"

"Shut up!"

"Why the long face, _Cloud_? Why the tousling emotions? After all, puppets aren't meant to feel anything! Mwahahaha!" Sephiroth disappeared at that moment. Lightning gently placed a hand on Cloud's shoulder.

"It's ok...Dad. Let's go home."

Cloud felt disgusted. He had feelings for his future daughter! How pathetic...But he found his family, so it wasn't such a bad day after all...

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Gabranth sighed in frustration.

"Okay, the queer thing about that date was that we don't know whether to give a point to Chaos or to Cosmos..."

"Then let the audience decide, you goof!" A thick fog eminated into the theatre. Gabranth was thrown off the stage and in his place was a man cloaked in a red veil. Bartz gasped behind you.

"How in the world did you survive?" he uttered, standing to his feet.

"Why, you are talking to I! Gilgamesh! I cannot be defeated so easily and I've been searching for you a long while! Oh, hey there Squall, how's it going? Did you find Odin yet?" Gilgamesh said, waving at Squall.

Squall was still red in the face, knowing that his father was humiliated on camera.

"Whatever," he gurgled, eyes smouldering with ire.

"Hey bitch! Don't forget us!"

"Prishe! Don't curse infront of the audience!" Two new arrivals entered the theatre. Prishe was holding Aerth's wrist as she dragged the brunette on stage.

"She's here aswell? I hope no one pairs her with me like they did in Kingdom Hearts," Squall murmured beside you.

"Listen up, I, Gilgamesh will be you're next host!"

"Did you apologise to Montblanc?" Vaan yelled in the crowd. Gilgamesh threw a large sword at him, decapitating the youth's head off as his body materialised into nothing.

"Don't worry, he'll be reborn again in the Sanctuary world," Gilgamesh reassured the audience.

"Anyways, the next date will be a double date! So there is going to be four slots available, however...And this is the important part...The couples will be in a surprise competition against each other! And you, my friends, have the privilege of voting for who should be versus who!

For example...

Slot One: Cosmos

Slot Two: Chaos

Versus

Slot Three: Moogle

And

Slot Four: Chocobo.

And also, please decide who earned the point for today's date. Will you give the point to the team of Discord because the date went awfully wrong or will you give the point to Cosmos because the date ended in a family reunion?

So stop staring and get voting! Heehaww!"


End file.
